For the first time in my life, I followed my heart and my intuition, not my ego, my mind or my wallet. And I’ve never looked back.

I spent almost 10 years working in finance, in jobs that didn’t fulfill me. I was an over achiever my entire life. I graduated Phi Beta Kappa, Summa Cum Laude from Columbia University and upon graduation, I thought about joining the Peace Corps but instead, my over-achiever decided to take the most prestigious job I could find working in Investment Banking on Wall Street. I would work really long hours, come home and drink a little too much wine or numb out in front of the TV because I felt so drained and exhausted from work. I applied to Business School and was accepted to both Harvard and Stanford. I had my whole perfect life planned out.

And then my mom got sick. She was diagnosed with stage three ovarian cancer. I took time off work to take care of her and then deferred business school one year. After she finished her chemo, she encouraged me to do something for myself before heading off to Stanford.

I decided to follow my heart and live in a remote village in Ghana, West Africa and volunteer as a teacher.

I didn’t know it at the time, but that trip changed my life. I ended up raising money to build a school, with support from my former Wall Street colleagues who helped fund the project. In that moment I knew I wanted to do something to change the world and that people in the business world had the resources to support positive change.

Upon graduating from Stanford, I thought about starting my own business.  But I was scared. I told myself I was scared because of all the debt and expenses I had incurred as a student. I told myself it would be more “responsible” to take a job working in private equity, another finance job, to pay off my loans. I told myself, and everyone else, I would only stay in that job one year. Those were all lies. It took me over three years to realize that was just the fear talking. My fear of failure.

I reached a point in my career where I was making a lot of money, on track to be a Partner in my firm. Everything looked great on paper. And yet inside, I was miserable. But this was the path I had mapped out for my life. I had followed my plan for success perfectly.

So why wasn’t I happy?

I realized that my entire life, I had been following my mind, my ego and my wallet instead of my heart or my intuition. And that needed to change. I was so turned around, I didn’t know where to begin to follow my heart. I started with one question: What is it I really want?

That question turned into more questions. I started working with a coach and learned what it means to take responsibility for my life, my happiness and my career. To me, taking responsibility means asking that question “What is it I really want” and not letting the fear stop you. It means making a big commitment to doing whatever it takes to create the change you deeply desire.

So that’s what I did. I quit my high paying job in finance and started my own business. I realized that what I am most passionate about is supporting other people, especially women, in learning how to take responsibility for THEIR lives.

I want everyone to experience the happiness that I’ve now created in my life. I want everyone to have these tools. I’ve made it my life’s mission to empower other women. I founded Akoya, a transformation and empowerment business, where I run group coaching programs, retreats and corporate workshops to support other people who are ready to make this leap. The leap into a life of meaning.

I could have played it safe. Instead, I’m living my dream. It took some scary steps to get here, and it was so worth the journey.

So now I ask you, what is it you really want? And what are you willing to do to have it?

* What if your Soul has a plan for you and you’re not following it?
* Are you meant to be doing something more with your life?
* Did you know there’s a way to discover your unique purpose?

You’re invited to Soul Power: A Day of Spiritual Exploration on May 18, 2013. Register Today! >>

1. Concentrate on activities that work well for you.

We all have things that we don’t like to do and we call them chores for a reason. The
key is to figure out what you love to do, and focus most of your time on those activities.
When you make time for the fun things, several things happen. First, the chores related
to those activities become less annoying. Second, you will feel more energized and less
stressed in your life.

2. Do not be judgmental.

They say, “to err is human.” When you find yourself being judgmental about things you
did or did not do, you are just beating yourself up. Look at a baby learning to walk, there
is no judgment or self-criticism. Instead, learn, let go, and get back on course.

3. Make peace with your past.

The past is now over and done. Cherish the positive memories and learn from the
negative ones. This will help you deal with the present and the future. The events and
people in our lives combine to make us who we are, but that just tells us how we got to
where we are. Where you go from here is entirely up to you.

4. Stay focused on abundance.

During the hard times, fear and desperation are common, but do not let it overpower
you. Focus on your best options and keep faith in the undeniable belief that everything
will be better.

5. You are in-charge of your own happiness.

Happiness should only come from you. Only you can decide what will make you happy;
so do not let anyone dictate how you will find happiness, and do not depend on anyone
else to provide it.

6. Stop thinking too much.

Worrying about the answers to all your problems will not help you get better. There are
times when you just have to wait. When you stop thinking is when the answers will
eventually come to you.

7. Time heals all wounds.

No matter how hurt and broken you are now, eventually you WILL be fine. Allow yourself
time to recover from injuries to both your physical and emotional self. However, this time
of healing and integration is just a rest stop on your chosen path, not your final
destination.

8. What others think of you is not important.

I once heard that the definition of wasted time is thinking about what others think. What
matters most is that you are happy and you know that you are on your right track. Let
others have their criticisms and judgments – trying to change their minds will frustrate
you and is not likely to work. How they live their lives is their business, how you live your
life is your business.

Vanessa Loder

And when I first began to work on myself, I used to think I needed to focus a lot on saying “yes” to things that scared me, to pushing myself beyond my current boundaries.  While this was certainly true to a degree, I was missing a more subtle point that has a huge impact on our happiness, and that is our ability to say “no.”

I actually thought I was good at saying “no,” because I have an Inner Rebel who LIKES to say “no.” I thought I had no problem saying “no,” but I was wrong. I was good at saying it in a Big, Obvious “No!” kind of way. But what I wasn’t good at were things where I was currently saying “yes” and then being full of regret or complaint or indecision.

Here’s the kicker: I didn’t even see that I wasn’t good at saying “no” because I was currently saying “yes” to those things!

Here are some examples, and see if any of these resonate with you:

•  Saying “yes” to a social event that you don’t really want to go to,
•  Agreeing to meet someone for coffee or lunch, but then thinking about how you’d     rather be doing something else,
•  Helping a friend out because you think you “should,” not because you truly want to,
•  Agreeing to call your mom/friend who just broke up with her boyfriend/[fill in the blank person] frequently because “that’s what you do,” not because you feel energized and happy at the end of the conversations,
• Eating cake at a birthday party even though you’ve decided to give up sugar, because it’s a birthday celebration, and that’s what you DO at birthday parties

Here’s the thing about these “Yes’s” that should really be “No’s”: sometimes they are hurting us in more ways than you can imagine!  A weak “yes” is a very insidious thing. It’s sneaky.

Here’s why: it distracts us. It takes up our time, zaps our energy, and distracts us from doing what we REALLY want.

When you say “yes” to something you would rather say “no” to, you are saying to the Universe “I don’t really deserve what I want.” And that is a BIG DEAL.

Saying “yes” when we mean “no” allows our energy to be sucked into something we don’t believe in. When we do this, we’re preventing ourselves from letting our light truly shine, from writing that book we’ve secretly been wanting to write, or from recharging our battery by having a quiet night taking a bath and reading a book after an exhausting day or week.

Why would we do this?

Because we’re afraid. We’re afraid of how truly powerful we are. We’re afraid of what would happen if we wrote that book (what if it’s a failure!?) or if we said “no” to that party (will people be angry?  What if I don’t have any friends?).

These are stories we tell ourselves to keep us stuck, to distract us from the TRUTH, which is that we can have anything we want and be anything we want. Most of us are too scared to admit it because that is a lot of power, and it comes with a lot of responsibility.

If I say “no” to going to that party, then I can’t complain about having to go and use that as an excuse for my own unhappiness. Suddenly, I’m responsible for my own happiness.

And that can feel scary at first. But it is SO worth it!

Here’s the key: When you start saying “no” to things, you CREATE SPACE for other things to come in.  Things you REALLY WANT to do or to have in your life.  And that is why this is so important and magical.

Saying “yes” to things that should really be “no” not only distracts you from what you want and tires you out, it takes up all the space in your life so there is no ROOM to say “yes” to what you REALLY WANT.

Sometimes, you need to say “no” before you can say “yes.”

Saying “no” makes room.

If you say “no” to that dinner party, you can have a quiet evening at home relaxing and recharging your battery….and maybe the next day you make better decisions because you feel more clear-headed and better-rested.

If you say “no” to calling your mom/friend/[fill in the blank] because you “should,” you can avoid unnecessary stress or negative energy, and use the boost in your mood to write the first chapter of that book or go on a walk in nature.

If you say “no” to eating the birthday cake, you can wake up the next day feeling better in your body with more energy to exercise.

The list goes on and on.

So I ask you, where are you currently saying “yes” when you REALLY mean “no”? Try saying “no” and see what happens. Notice the space you’ve created to call something else in.

And be sure to tell the Universe what it is you want instead! Otherwise you may end up swapping one “yes” that should be a “no” for another. Think about what you want to say “yes” to instead, and do that consciously. I guarantee the results will amaze you.

Have fun!  And remember kids, just say “no.”

Much Love,

Vanessa Loder

Photo by AlexaMiller.com

Happy New Year! I hope that 2013 has gotten off to a fabulous start for you and that you are feeling great about all the wonderful opportunities that lie ahead of you this coming year.

As for myself, I feel lucky that I love my job so much that I’m actually happy to be back at work after taking a break to spend time with my daughter, Eva. Spending the Holidays with our new baby was very special.

As I’m coming off my maternity leave, I’m launching a new program that I am VERY excited about. Click here to read more about Soul Power.” Just as I’m starting to feel like my old self (I have half of my brain back now that I’m finally sleeping again), this special project is ready to launch. The timing could not have been more perfect. I’m ready to sink my teeth into something at work, and I have the ideal program to put my energy into.

And yet, I’ve been dragging my feet on promoting it. Why? Because I care what people think.

Even though I made a huge transition quitting my job in finance to pursue work as an Executive Coach and Spiritual Healer, I still sometimes feel self-conscious about the “Spiritual Healer” part of that sentence. Especially when I think of the people I used to work with and imagine them reading about some of my programs. I have thoughts like “Will they think I’m cheesy?” “Does it freak people out that I’m open to all kinds of healing techniques which are very alternative?”

After I become self-conscious, I go into “prove it” mode. Let me prove to you that what I’m doing is a) important b) valid c) worthy of your respect. I feel a need to tell people about the tangible results that alternative healing techniques generate in order to gain their credibility.

It’s like I’m trying to prove something to an imaginary audience of critics that I’ve created in my own mind.  And guess what? It’s exhausting! Does any of this sound familiar to you?

The funny part is, when I’ve actually taken the time to chat with some of my former business colleagues about what I’m doing, they are incredibly supportive. Sure, some of them are more curious about it than others – it’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but none of them are nearly as dismissive as the fake audience I’ve created in my head!

Sometimes, we are our own worst enemy. We can create an incredible barrier to doing what FEELS RIGHT and what truly makes us HAPPY because we have all this FEAR about “WHAT WILL PEOPLE THINK OF ME?”.

This applies to both big and small things.

I know someone who tried to force herself to be in a literary book club that read a lot of “important” non-fiction books.

She hated it.

The truth was, she had a penchant for fantasy novels like the Chronicles of Narnia and Harry Potter. She was embarrassed by this and thought she “should” read “more important” books and subscribe to The Economist. But, when she finally confessed the truth to a fellow book club member, guess what? The other woman felt the EXACT same way and they ended up breaking off and creating their own book club to read fun,fantasy books. They both loved it.

My question to you this week is: What part of yourself are you denying because you’re afraid what people will think, or YOU think you “should” be some other way?

Once you discover that hidden side of yourself that you’ve been ashamed to acknowledge, the best thing you can do is find a way to EMBRACE it!

Tell someone how you really feel, what you really think, who you REALLY are.

Not only will you feel better, but you’ll be amazed at the opportunities you’ll create in your life once you start coming from a place of authenticity.

Even admitting that you don’t like something as much as you’ve let on is a start. And like I said, it can be about something that seems small or trivial – this doesn’t have to be ground breaking, but even the small things make a big difference! You can try any of the following:

• Say “no” to an event that you aren’t looking forward to attending
• Try a new hobby, especially one you’ve wanted to try but were afraid of making a fool of yourself. (Any type of dance class should do! Unless you’re a dancer, of course)
• Read or watch something just because you want to, not because you “should”
• Ask someone to hang out even if you’re nervous they’ll say no

What else can you come up with?!

Vanessa Loder

If you liked this exercise, click here to buy our manifestation course “Create Your Ideal Life,” on sale for $49!

Learn more about our 10-Week Soul Power Program by listening to this FREE Introductory Class Call:

Soul Power Free Intro Class.mp3

This one-hour introduction to the SOUL POWER series offers an overview of the ten classes, and insights into the life plan your soul created before you were born.

You’ll learn why your soul chooses to come to the Physical Plane for the lessons and growth it offers, how it chooses your personality and shapes your view of the world, and how understanding your soul’s life plan is the key to creating a happier and more fulfilling life.

The introductory class will show you how to break your life plan into ten component parts, helping you to identify your soul-level personality, your overarching purpose, your blocks, fears, and limiting beliefs, and how to stay in the positive aspect of each of the elements.

In the next ten weeks, you’ll learn to:

- Understand your place in the universe
- Manifest your soul-level personality
- Find your soul’s purpose
- Move beyond your fears
- Stop being a victim; let go of past hurt and trauma
- Balance mind, body, and spirit
- Turn negative experiences into positive lessons
- Tap into a higher spiritual power

Learn more about the 10-Week Soul Power Course >>

Vanessa Loder

Testimonials

“I was a skeptic entering this process. I knew I wanted change but thought I was already doing the right things… And deep down didn’t believe I had the power to call true change into my life. Vanessa’s sessions were incredibly powerful…Powerful enough to evoke strong emotions, and concrete and clear enough to change my daily routine and make me identify and break down my own barriers to happiness.  Three months later…I have called into my life an amazing man. Whether or not he is ‘the one’, I feel for the first time in a long time that I WILL find someone incredible.”    ~ Julia Goldberg

“I was drawn to Ainslie MacLeod‘s work at the most difficult time of my life and was amazed by his insights. Working with Ainslie helped me understand who I am, why I’m here, and how to live my life on purpose. He spoke to the sincerest wishes of my soul and gave me the encouragement and tools I needed to change my life into the wonderful experience that I am so grateful to have today.”  ~Megan R.

A lot of people who are curious about past lives ask me about my work doing hypnosis and past life regression, so I thought it was high time I wrote about it!

The cool thing about past life regression (which is when you hypnotize someone and guide them back to a past life memory), is that the process is healing whether you actually believe in past lives or not. It’s like gravity in that no matter the explanation you choose, it still works.

For example, I had a client who was pregnant with a boy. She was happy to be pregnant but was having a hard time getting excited about the fact that she was having a son.

We did a hypnosis session where I guided her through a regression and she went to a place where she had a little boy who she loved very much, and who witnessed her tragic death. It was a very emotional memory, she cried during our session and when I brought her out of the hypnosis she said “Well, that sure was weird! I didn’t expect to have such strong feelings, it all seemed so REAL!”

She emailed me within a week of doing the regression to say she felt completely different about having a boy and was finally able to connect to the joy and excitement of it – including purchasing baby boy bedding for the nursery!

The neat thing about this story, and what I’ve discovered with my clients again and again, is that she didn’t need to believe that the memory she had while hypnotized was actually a past life in order for her mindset about having a boy to shift.

You can believe whatever you want about the pictures that your mind sees while you’re hypnotized. Some people believe we’re tapping into the collective unconscious and accessing memories of events that actually DID happen, but to OTHER people.

Some people believe the healing is psychosomatic because of the mind/body connection. And still others believe we really do have past lives and these are the deepest memories of our soul’s journey.

Regardless of what you believe, you can experience tremendous results and miraculous healing with this work! I’ve had those experiences myself, which is why I felt called to become certified as a past life regression hypnotherapist.

Are you curious about your own past lives? Does healing at a Soul Level appeal to you? Listen to a free introductory class to Soul Power with Ainslie MacLeod here.

Vanessa Loder

photo credit: alexamiller.com

Remember, an affirmation should lift you up and affirm your life — or the life you want to create. Affirmations are a way for your conscious mind to teach your subconscious mind to be in a happier state.

So, the list of great affirmations:

I am competent, smart, and able.

I believe in myself.

I recognize the many good qualities I have.

I see the best in other people.

I surround myself with people who bring out the best in me.

I let go of negative thoughts and feelings about myself.

I am always growing and developing.

My opinions resonate with who I am.

I am congruent in everything I say and do.

If you don’t like a word choice, that’s fine. Personally, I believe that meanings of these affirmations are truly valuable. By working these types of affirmations into my everyday life, I became a happier, more confident, and more successful person. And those are things I wish for everyone.

Something else to keep in mind, sometimes the one you believe the least, is the one you need to say the most. Tell me, which one struck you the most, and why?

Vanessa Loder

As some of you may know, I recently gave birth to our first child (YAY!!) and when I wrote this newsletter, I was actually pregnant and went into labor the NEXT DAY! I want to share that message with you now – I hope you enjoy it:

As it turns out, our baby is in the breech position, (she is head up instead of head down), and this is not ideal for a natural, low intervention birth – which is what I REALLY wanted. We’ve tried everything to turn her and nothing has worked.

I found myself getting very upset and frustrated when I couldn’t control the situation or get the outcome I wanted. I had a vision of what the birth would look like, and this was turning out to be completely different….and I resisted the change.

I was making myself miserable.

After a few days feeling disappointed and then some more time feeling sorry for myself, I realized that while I can’t control this situation, I CAN control how I react to it. And instead of feeling frustrated, I can focus on what really matters – which is a healthy baby girl and a healthy mom.

When I took a step back and looked at the big picture, I saw that I needed to LET GO OF CONTROL, and SURRENDER to this amazing process, trust that all is well and let go of my attachment that things be a certain way.

And suddenly, when I STOPPED RESISTING and opened up to ACCEPTING WHAT IS, it was like a weight had been lifted! I felt 100x better immediately.

Fighting reality doesn’t get you what you want, it can actually get you more stuck…kind of like flailing around in quicksand. When you relax into what is true, you have more freedom to create change.

So, how can you begin TODAY to start bringing more ACCEPTANCE to your life and let go of RESISTANCE?

If you liked this exercise, buy our manifestation course TODAY on sale for $49! CLICK HERE

Vanessa Loder

I’m a sugar addict. I always have been. 

In times of stress or exhaustion, I tend to use sugar as my crutch. It’s my drug of choice. Sure, sometimes I choose alcohol – or trashy television. But sugar is my biggest temptation. And once I fall off the wagon, it’s hard to get back on!

I recently had a couple of weeks where I truly gave in to the urge and gorged myself on sweets.  

We had just had our daughter, Eva, and I was exhausted. Suddenly, sugar became my “thing”. I told myself that I “deserved it”, that I had “earned it” with all the hard work I was doing with the baby. Besides, it was one of the few things that made me feel good in those moments of stress when Eva was being really fussy and I couldn’t exactly leave my house (and baby) to go on a hike. Cookies were easily accessible – people kept dropping them off to help feed us during those early weeks. So my sugar addiction came back in full force.

And guess what? While it made me feel a little better in the moment, I felt WORSE afterwards. After two weeks of this, I decided that it had to stop. I felt crappy, I was even MORE exhausted from the sugar crashes and – perhaps worst of all – eating sugar was just adding a layer of guilt on top of my already bad mood.

So I made a commitment: No refined sugar for two weeks.

That was on a Monday morning, and by that afternoon I already felt MUCH better. Just making the decision to do something about my downward sugar spiral made me feel better.

Photo by AlexaMiller.com

By empowering myself again, rather than playing the victim and rewarding “poor little old me” with a sugary treat, I was back in control of my life. Turns out I had given control to the baby’s mood swings.

Sure, I can’t control whether or not Eva has a bad day. But I can control how I react to it. And when I choose positive actions, like calling a friend or going on a short walk with the baby, I have a huge impact on my own happiness.

Try it out for yourself and see – what is one area of your life where you’ve been berating yourself for some time?  Well, what is it you really want?  DO THAT.
 
Make a commitment to change your behavior and follow through on it….and notice how you feel.  I bet that within 24 hours, you too will feel better!

To learn more about how to change your behavior, check out part 3 of my manifestation course (http://www.akoyapower.com/products/create-an-ideal-life).

Please share in the comments below, what part of your life are you going to take back?

Vanessa Loder